Should, and Its Implications
Saying should implies much about the person who said it. If we inspect how he uses it, we can learn much about him.
How often does he say should to others? This frequency speaks to his self-righteousness, his eagerness to shape the world, and the certainty he has in the authority whose shoulds he espouses.
To whom does he feel comfortable issuing shoulds? This roster measures how far he believes his superiority extends, for no man issues shoulds to another he considers more capable than himself in a given matter, unless he aims to insult. A humble apprentice will not tell a master carpenter how he should hammer. A respectful man will not tell a mother of four how she should raise her children. An ignoble liar, however, may just have the irreverence to tell an honest man how he should conduct himself.
When and in what context does he say should? Does he use it in discussing appearance, politics, careers, love, life? Whatever the answer, you now know his priorities, for a man only cares for answers to problems he considers important. Only people who care for appearances wonder how they should dress. Only people who have others in their heart wonder how and why they should love. Only people consider death wonder how they should live.
And when he issues these shoulds, ask yourself: to what authorities does he appeal? And ask him: says who? Take note of who or what he calls upon most to back his issuances: himself, another man, his friends, society, law, tradition, emotion, reason, wisdom, virtue, God, or whatever else. The authority he marshals in his favor, and brings to bear on you, indicates who he respects and reveres and fears, for a coward never calls upon himself, nor a loner—friends, a rebel—society, an anarchist—law, a radical—tradition, a stoic—emotion, a zealot—reason, a child—wisdom, a sinner—virtue, an atheist—God.
And, critically, why does he say should? Does he ask it to inquire earnestly, out of wisdom of his own ignorance? Does he proclaim it to inspire excellence as a Roman would, on behalf of civic duty, with his head high and shoulders back? Or does he sneer it with a curdled upper lip and haughty air-like a venomous bureaucrat—with the aim to threaten and coerce? Pay close attention here. The intents behind his shoulds betray his relationship with authority, and how he would wield that authority against you—as cudgel, beacon, or olive branch—if fortune gave him the chance.
But all of this comes second to how often a man whispers should to himself, for with each silent, compliant, uncritical utterance he orphans his duty to authenticity, and takes fateful steps toward another man’s destiny.